Are we seeing more and more angry, mean, vengeful people around us?
The reason is that the world has changed: there are new needs to be satisfied, there are old needs to be satisfied in a different way.
It applies to each of us, but what can be done to face these epochal changes?
Meanwhile: what changes are we talking about?
How many of our needs are met: through technology, which has never happened in history. For this we need to understand how it works.
The Latin teacher taught me: "Rem tene verba sequetur" or: "Understand the thing, the words will come by themselves".
And it seems to me that it works because understanding "Zuffa" for "Uffa" ends up getting into fights instead of solving the problem. And so brass knuckles are brought out instead of hugs. It is by understanding the reality that we can give solutions!
The truth of one or many, it is not the reality!
And this goes for everyone: beautiful and ugly, graduates and non-graduates, rich and poor…
What are we doing?
Eh, ”Rem tene verba sequentur” you understand the thing, you find the words (and then the solution) or you can build together.
Which do I see?
The first need is that of clarity and reality, therefore of sharing the common reality (attention: sharing the common reality means sharing social facts, not private ones because if they get confused, that is, private ones are put on the streets, the privacy and this leads to other feelings of: reactive anger, fear of death, fear of being discovered…)
The second is to understand what impact it has on us (for everyone it can be different).
The third is to have the tools to be able to resolve the feelings of discomfort it causes us.
What to do?
To respond to this need (which I would say is almost universal for the historical moment in which we are living), we must be able to make an arrangement between what we feel and what we have around us to find the real meaning of things.
What happens when you do this?
A magic: that anger becomes serenity, negative beliefs become calm thoughts, the need for control, repression and punishment disappear because it is understood that they only generate distrust and more fear, anger and resentment. So the whole planet will live happily ever after, as in the world ofCare Bears.
How boring!
Ah, ah, don't worry, we will never live in that world, the bad guys are there by law of nature, because unfortunately you are born bad, but most people become angry, confused, etc... and I am convinced and I really see it all the days, may the majority be good. We have the right to live according to our nature: to be good people (living away from the need to control others with excuses that can never stand because freedom is a fundamental human right, so respect and privacy) who want to trust and feel that others trust us etc… Here is a reason, for example, why many of us are angry: they feel they cannot satisfy this very need or others such as: freedom, privacy, respect are violated.
So what is my proposal?
I read around, I don't even remember where sorry, that there are gurus with ready answers. I don't have a ready answer, but for work, as a sociologist I notice reality and social phenomena and as a psychologist I try to give readings together with people about what happens to them and I give ad hoc tools for each of them because we are all different like the situations in which we find ourselves and so I try to build solutions not only to live better, but often to be able to survive in a historical period that requires not to adapt, but to continuously remodel ourselves on a social and structural context which in turn does whether we like it or not.
Here is the final answer. For this thing you need a type of service that responds to these things here:
- provides a safe space in which people, all of them, can bring their anger, fears, uncertainties... in peace without the risk that they will then be turned against them by "ears that become evil tongues" (says a nice popular proverb). It has nothing to do with being mentally ill, that's clear, isn't it?
- offers the possibility of sharing our situations with those who know how to understand "Uffa" and not "Zuffa" and who therefore already have the specific tools for this type of "adaptation" need
- find and share with us the meaning of real things and not partial truths
- know how to share new tools and ways with people that allow everyone to live in this life in continuous and rapid transformation
In Italy there is the A TU PER TU – psychology and pedagogy service which has been doing just that from 2011 to today.
I believe that we all have the right not only to be helped, sometimes we don't want to be helped, it's true, they are rare anyway, but to have the possibility to suffer and overcome our difficulties of life in privacy and security in a space where there will be no one who he will use what we say against us and then be able to give us the real meaning of things and not partial truths and thus help us find solutions.